Father Ted quotes

I was browsing the web to try and find some funny stuff to cheer me up and I found some quotes from Father Ted earlier. That did the trick. How I laughed, I'll have to share some of those that I found:

Father Ted: What was that sermon about?

Father Dougal: Sorry Ted, I was concentrating too hard on looking holy.

Father Ted: You won't be able to come with me... when I go into space. I'm going to be the first priest in space.

Father Dougal: God Ted, first America then space, what next?

Father Ted: Now concentrate this time, Dougal. These [he points to some plastic cows on the table] are very small; those [pointing at some cows out of the window] are far away...

Father Ted: Fascists dress in black and go around telling people what to do, whereas priests... more drink!

Mrs Doyle: There's always time for a nice cup of tea. Sure, didn't the Lord himself pause for a nice cup of tea before giving himself up for the world.

Father Ted: No, he didn't, Mrs Doyle!

Mrs Doyle: Well, whatever the equivalent they had for tea in those days, cake or something. And speaking of cake, I have cake!

[holds up a cupcake]

Father Ted: No, thanks, Mrs Doyle.

Mrs Doyle: Are you sure, Father? There's cocaine in it!

Father Ted: WHAT?

Mrs Doyle: Oh, no, not cocaine. God, what am I on about. No, what d'you call them. Raisins.

Father Ted: It's not as if everyone's going to go off and join some mad religious cult just because we go off for a picnic for a couple of hours.

Father Dougal: God, Ted, I heard about those cults. Everyone dressing in black and saying our Lord's gonna come back and judge us all!

Father Ted: No... No, Dougal, that's us. That's Catholicism.

Father Dougal: I'm no good at judging the size of crowds Ted, but I'd say there's about seventeen million of them out there.

Father Dougal: (trying to pray) Hail Mary who art in heaven.......

Father Ted: Hallowed.

Father Dougal: Oh yeah. Hallowed Be....

Father Ted: Thy Name...

Father Dougal: Papa Don't Preach........

Father Ted: Dougal, you know you can praise the lord with sleep.

Father Dougal: Really Ted? You can praise him in lots of ways, like that time you said that I could praise him just by leaving the room.

Father Ted: Yes, that was a good one!

I absolutely loved that series. I am going to try and hunt out the dvds I bought a few years ago which has all the episodes made.