three different ways to die...

Three people dying, each one in their own unique way:

The refusal to stop fighting approach.

There is nothing more that can be done but that doesn't stop the fighting. Refusal to cry, refusal to give in. Refusal to give up this anger because the alternative is too awful to even contemplate.

But everytime I look into the eyes I can see the child, the child that is within all of us. The child is pleading to be hugged and be allowed to cry. But the big person outside is refusing to allow this. There is danger of the defensive wall being penetrated if this happens.



Then there is the polite and happy that it's all over approach.

"Nothing more can be done, best make the most of it...No I don't want any help but you're very kind, thank you....Oh I don't want to cause a fuss my dear....I'll do whatever you ask...It's okay, you carry on...I can see that you're busy...Thank you...."

(This one makes me want to cry)

Such gratitude and always smiling and listening to the little walkman. Just lying there and not attracting attention. A part of the furniture...will anyone notice when there is no-one there anymore?



Finally we have the acceptance that it's over but pissed off that life has been so hard.

The tests have not told them what it is that's causing this but it's still happening. Seventeen years of tests and results, that have resulted in treatment and more tests. This gets tiring after a while. Now they're still doing tests but what's the point? There's nothing left.